Time Flies –

Gosh I didn’t realize it’s been over a month since I last posted. It’s been busy of course – working (my retirement side hacks), preparing to move into a more affordable situation, and worrying about my son.

Helping my ex/dear friend with his business has been a blessing. In emotionally trying times it’s essential to keep our minds busy. He is also providing me with a more affordable living situation – since I have accepted that my son contributing to our joint living expenses is not going to happen any time soon, I am moving into the ex/dear friend’s spare bedroom.

It seems odd I know – but we do still care very deeply about each other, just realized with my son’s mental health problems that we had some intrinsically different approaches to helping adult children. It’s ok – I understand we were raised in two totally opposite environments – he with no nurturing and me in a very nurturing environment. And yet with that being said, he is one of the most caring people I have ever met.

My son is still homeless after six weeks. It’s been six weeks of mostly sleepless, worrisome nights for me. He is I believe finally realizing he cannot fight his disease of addiction on his own and has started reaching out for help. I have in the past offered him links to resources for addiction help – which he did nothing with. I keep reminding him that when he is ready to get help I will do anything I am capable of to GET him to help … drive him to a rehab facility – drive him to meetings every day if necessary – anything it takes.

Then yesterday I received the following text from his ex-wife – I am starting to wonder (albeit tenuously for I have hoped beyond hope before) if there is some hope!

“I hope you are enjoying the holiday weekend. I am reaching out because I heard from (son) last night. He texted me and I learned that he is homeless. I believe he’s in trouble and I know he is scared so I called the National Drug Abuse Hotline and they gave me referrals to treatment centers who offer transportation services (meaning they will pick up people and bring them to the center). I sent the info to (son) and he agreed to go to this one: Napa Center Point   2100 Napa Vallejo Highway Building 253M1-M2, Napa, CA 94558 Type: Substance Abuse Tel: 707-225-8001 Website: http://www.cpinc.org This information was provided by SAMHSA’s National Helpline (800-662-4357) They have a men’s rehabilitation program in Martinez so I emailed the center and left a message. I assume that the center is closed over the holiday weekend but I will follow up on Tuesday. I just wanted to share the information. I know this is very difficult and painful so please know that you and (son) have my support. like you, I want (son) to be healthy, clean, and safe. Much love, (ex wife)”

So my words to you out there struggling with a family member who suffers the disease of addiction, do not entirely give up hope. I know it’s hard to not give up at times. And it’s hard to keep holding on to hope through all of the empty promises and lies. But don’t give up.

And if you are suffering this horrendous unforgiving disease of addiction, do not give up hope of escaping it. There are people out there who truly love you and want to help when you are ready. Those who truly love you, not love you for what you can do for them, will help you when you are ready. Reach out – there ARE resources.

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In Search of Ordinary Days

Tales of an aging boomer

7 thoughts on “Time Flies –”

  1. Bless you for sharing your story (ies). God will bless and take care of your son, through your prayers and unshakable faith in God.
    Let’s think on and read Proverbs 3:5-6 today.
    Let’s focus on every one of God’s promises, and not the problems. ❤️

    Stephanie in NC.

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  2. I came across your page by accident. I’ve been essentially in the same situation with my younger brother. I read what you wrote about looking for your son everywhere and I get it. It’s been three years since I kicked my brother out of my home and Ive seen him a couple times, him mostly showing up for food or money. Sometimes for a ride somewhere and always with a lie on his lips. I’ve moved and got a new car in the last six months, but he has my number.. he hasn’t called… But I look for him. I stare down every man I see walking down the street. Every guy on a bike. Someone at a bus stop. Everyone. I see him every once in a while and when I do it breaks my heart again. I fear for him so badly sometimes it makes me catch my breath and I cry. Other then my husband and my child he’s all I have, both mine and my husband’s parents are gone, no grandparents, no other siblings.
    I wanted to help him so badly even after I kicked him out that I just made him worse. I fed him when he was hungry. Got him clothes and shoes, phones so he could reach me, even though he only ever came back around after he had somehow lost it. Toothbrushes, tents, bikes. All I was doing was making it more comfortable for him to keep living that life, when I see him out now I don’t stop because I know no matter what I do it won’t help, it just takes more from me and mine. I don’t let him know where I am or what I drive because I’m afraid he will rob me or someone else he hangs around with will. His spiral towards rock bottom has been so long and so slow. I hope he hits his lowest low soon and when he does it doesn’t kill him. I miss him. I don’t know if that day will ever come. But I hope.
    Anyway I’m sorry this comment is so long. I just felt the need to commiserate because it just really hit me that there’s someone out there going thru the same feelings. I know a brother is not the same as a son, but it just got me and I wanted to share.
    I hope your son gets the treatment that he needs to start being him again. Much love.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Please know he’s okay. God is taking care of him. He knows the streets, now, and there’s places he can go to eat and shower. He has to want to get better. You just never let go of your faith in God. Please write his name down and place his name in Jeremiah 29:11, or place a picture of your brother in Jeremiah 29:11. My prayers will remember your brother and you❤️.

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    2. I am so sorry I missed your comment – I am preparing to update my journey today and just read it. There is such a fine line between helping and enabling. I know it takes courage to share what you are going through, and I know it releases just a bit of the pain to share it. My heart is with you – much love.

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